An Alternate Method of Healing
by danger.angel
Summary: “I’m not asking for anything you can’t give.” AJAS & AJFW


**An Alternate Method of Healing**

She's looking at the parchment in front of her but she can't make out the words. Angelina's eyes are glazed and if she blinks too hard it will seem as if she's crying. She'd like to cry, but at the moment the action seems foreign. She's too exhausted, anyway.

Angelina rubs her eyes and tries to read over the essay she'd hastily finished an hour ago. She still can't see a thing. With a shake of her head, she gives up and puts it in her rucksack. She'll accept whatever mark she gets without complaint. There are too many other important things to worry about.

Instead of feeling like a weight has been lifted, Angelina only feels the headache she'd woken up with returning. The potion Madame Pomfrey gave her must have worn off. If she goes back to the infirmary she knows the nurse will refuse to give her another dose. She's asked for the same potion five times this week. Pomfrey will cut her off before addiction even becomes a possibility.

Addiction, Angelina thinks, is the last thing Madame Pomfrey should be worried about because Angelina's starting to feel that if she doesn't get more of that potion she will cast an Unforgivable on someone, possibly the nearest Slytherin.

Since the beginning of the school year she's been feeling out of sorts. Depression, some of the Muggle-borns call it. Though, it's not as if she's confined herself to bed and moans about how terrible life is. She wishes she could. There are too many things to do and too many responsibilities to juggle. What she loves best about the headache potion is that it makes everything a little bit duller, a little less important. Everything becomes manageable. During those few hours, she feels a lot more like the person she'd been last year, the person who was always calm and capable. This year, she's lost count of the number of times she's found herself yelling and losing House points for appalling conduct.

It's too much, really. The high possibility of He Who Must Not Be Named being resurrected, a Quidditch team in shambles, and a school that's run more like Azkaban is enough to make anyone a little crazy. However, that's not all Angelina has to deal with. There's still the usual school politics and dramas. If she doesn't crack after the Leaving Feast, she'll be fairly surprised.

Angelina leans back in her chair and takes a deep breath. She closes her eyes and tries to think of something peaceful. Her mind comes up with an image of drifting clouds. She doesn't have time to enjoy it because of the knock at the door.

She wonders who it is. For the last three weeks she's taken to hiding out in the captain's office. Rarely does anyone come looking for her, not after she'd nearly taken Fred's head off.

"Come in and seek your doom," she calls out, hoping to deter whoever it is from turning the knob.

It doesn't. Alicia comes in and gives her a small smile and closes the door behind her.

Angelina suppresses a groan. In the last few weeks, Alicia has become one of those more important things to worry about. A day doesn't pass without Angelina cursing her friend for adding to her misery. Why in the middle of all this chaos did Alicia have to go say those dreaded words: "I want to be more than friends"? Angelina has always had some inkling as to how her friend felt. She would've preferred it if Alicia had told her at a more convenient time, like when she was no longer involved with Fred or when the sky wasn't falling.

"I come bearing gifts," Alicia says, putting two chocolate frogs on her desk.

"You're sweet," Angelina replies.

Alicia's cheeks darken. "Um, thanks."

Weeks ago, Angelina would've been able to say the same thing without such an obvious reaction from Alicia. Weeks ago, she wouldn't have to berate herself about being more careful with her words. She doesn't want to be more careful because she wants their friendship to remain the same. She doesn't want the complication, the natural segue to hurt feelings and a rift that cannot be repaired. She silently curses Alicia once more.

"Alicia, can we not do this right now? I'm not in the best of moods."

"Do what? I haven't come here to do anything except cheer you up."

Angelina is sceptical but she doesn't say so. "How do you plan on doing that?"

Alicia shrugs. "I'll give you a massage." She quickly moves from the door to stand behind Angelina.

"I don't think that's going to help cheer me up." Angelina turns to her. "Might do the opposite, actually."

Alicia sighs, annoyed. "I used to give you massages all time before."

"Well, it's not 'before'," Angelina retorts defensively.

"Pretend it is." Alicia forcibly turns her body so she can get a good grip on her shoulders. "You need to relax."

Angelina wants to protest but Alicia's hands are already working on her body. The tension starts to leak away and she finally gives in wholeheartedly to the ministrations. Angelina has some knowledge that she's also given in to whatever Alicia will ask of her soon. Nothing is done for free, not even between Gryffindors and best mates. She isn't surprised at the feel of Alicia's lips on her neck.

"We shouldn't do this," Angelina says. "Fred—"

"Isn't here," Alicia hisses, the accusation heavy in her voice. Fred should be here doing exactly this. He isn't. He's likely out with George and Lee, selling his inventions or causing trouble.

"He would be if it weren't for me. I've treated him so awful lately." Angelina hasn't felt that guilty about this until now.

"When has your yelling ever stopped Fred from doing anything he wants?"

Never. But it shouldn't be an excuse.

"Alicia, I…" Angelina can't think of what to say next so she stands and moves away.

"I'm not asking for anything you can't give," Alicia says softly, reaching out to brush a few of Angelina's braids from her face.

"But—"

"Don't think about it." Alicia closes the distance between them. She leans in and kisses Angelina. Her mouth is like her hands. They break Angelina's resolve and offer her no chance of escape.

"Don't think about any of it," Alicia murmurs against Angelina's lips.

And she doesn't.

**End**

**June 15, 2005**


End file.
